Even if someone has never made a fruitcake before (and until this afternoon, I counted myself in that group), they can understand it takes a great deal of time, effort, and expense re ingredients to make a fruitcake.  Why someone would *bother* is another story, but my reasons were that (1) I was determined to make a moist and tasty fruitcake using quality ingredients instead of the garbage offered at the grocery store, and (2) I am too poor this year to afford much in the way of Christmas presents, so cookies and cake were to be my presents instead.

Having said that, I absolutely should have known better than to try to get the frelling thing out of the pan before it was completely cooled down.

Here's a few pictures of the aftermath. 

After literally HOURS of work in the kitchen today, here is the result of my attempt at an Apricot Fruitcake; just out of the oven, looking all pure and perfect (sob!)
Apricot Fruitcake1

Then, not so much.
Apricot Fruitcake2
It came out in two big, falling apart pieces, and then a bunch of little bits.  I managed to make it look not so *very* bad for this picture, but it is actually pretty messy and this was supposed to be a Christmas present, so of course I wanted it to be perfect.

The pan it came out of details the extent of the damage.  It doesnt look like it, but there is nearly a cupful of ruined fruitcake crumbs.
Apricot Fruitcake3

In my (only) defense, I was trying to unmould it before it had completely cooled, so I could marinate it with some coconut rum, to make it taste even yummier.

Ah well, I console myself with the thought that I was going to cut it into four pieces anyway, once I poured a nice glaze onto it.  They will just have to be a bit smaller, or oddly shaped now, to avoid the worst of the mess.  I really did want a glamour shot of the thing first, though! 
Ah well, time to eat the evidence very tasty crumbs now...




@темы: food - cakes

11:29



08:19

Я к арту и фентези отношусь очень прохладно. Но работы Эндрю Гонзалеса - это что-то совершенно неземное.

yemanja.jpg - upload images with Picamatic

офсайт

посмотреть процесс создания работ

Xvarnah.jpg - upload images with Picamatic Oracle.jpg - upload images with Picamatic UnioMystica.jpg - image uploaded to Picamatic

amore_lg.jpg - Picamatic - upload your images Summoning1.jpg - upload images with Picamatic

О художнике

читать дальше

Обычно этот виженари арт - это редкостная бесвкусица, забитая штампами в виде свечений во лбу, йоговских поз, видов космоса и дрочерства, плохо прикрытого фиговыми листочками ньюэйджа. А вот у Гонзалеса вышло что-то такое необычное. Эльфы - не эльфы, ангелы - не ангелы. Мне кажется, это из гусеницы киберпанка (такой грязной, с пятнами ржавчины, в противогазе и с полуразложившимся хвостом) вылупились прекрасные... бабочки - не бабочки... инопланетяне вылуплись.

19:04

В одном оздоровительном жж сообществе пост:

У меня некоторые проблемы с эрекцией, в diary.ru рекомендуют попробовать попить Левитру.

Это где у нас такие советы дают?

my siblings were home alone one day and decided to cook some instant noodles. so they did and they left the water and noodles to boil and watched the tv for awhile. little did they know that the water evaporated and started to burn the noodles. by the time i came back, the house was full of smoke and what was left of the noodles were just really brown and hard stuff!!!! talk about instant disaster! 





@темы: mishap - burnt food, food - instant

07:59

Добавлен новый смайл, который можно использовать для написания своего е-мейла в постах и комментариях (вместо @):

info:doggy:diary.ru

Находится в Зверушках.

:doggy:

09:42

Дэсу?

(лифт; снято на мобильник)

IMG_1458.jpg - image uploaded to Picamatic

08:20

Очаровательный ресурс: starosti.ru/ - обзор русских газет начала прошлого века.

Советую обратить внимание на раздел брачных объявлений )) Если они настоящие, то в дореволюционной России не зазорно было студенту проситься взамуж за состоятельную тетеньку в летах, а мужчине уточнять желаемый доход своей избранницы. Дамы тоже не отставали, и напрямую предлагали себя старичкам в обмен на содержание.

Ну и остальные разделы тоже веселые. Один цикл статей про бритых старух чего стоит ))

Если вы ежедневно пользуетесь метро и сносно читаете по-английски, то советую заглянуть в блог о лондонской подземке:
london-underground.blogspot.com/

Завершился конкурс @Собакожабы.

Скажу сначала слов о появлении нашей @Собаки. Три года назад мы проводили конкурс на оформление дневниковой футболки, и вот этот эскиз eggog'a стал прототипом симпатичного существа, которое теперь сидит в правом верхнем углу служебных страниц.

На конкурс пришло больше двухсот работ. Посмотреть все работы можно тут. Определить победителей было реально трудно.

Итоги:

1-е место:  Adepta Sororitas за серию убойных, высококачественных работ (посмотреть)


2-е место:  Roldo за герб дневников:



3-е место:  ~Mirani~ за подкравшийся сзади звиздец:




Призы админских симпатий (150 дайрублей):

 .NeoSaturn


 Zookie


 morlin staub


Классный вышел конкурс!
Напоминаю, что все конкурсные работы можно посмотреть ЗДЕСЬ.




I tried
Crockpot Pecans

3 cups pecan halves
1 egg white, slightly beaten
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon cayenne (or more)
1 cup Splenda granular, sugar substitute

Put the pecans in crock pot. Add the egg white
and stir until the pecans are evenly coated.
In a bowl, stir together the cinnamon, salt,
cayenne, and Splenda. Pour the mixture over the
pecans and stir until they're evenly coated.

Cover the crock pot; set on low, and let it cook
for 3 hours, check periodically and stir.
If the nuts aren't dry by the end of the 3 hours,
uncover the crock pot, stir, and cook for another
30 minutes until dry. Store in an airtight container.
this morning because it is just getting cold, and man did they sound nice. Got the recipe from [info]what_a_crock community.
Such a nice thought.

Well.....I would recommend checking on them after oh...about and hour. Otherwise you end up with very smelly, very sticky, very smokey, very burnt pecans that are painfully stuck to the bottom of your crock pot.

I currently have the poor thing on low with water and dishwashing liquid trying to 'warm' them off. It is the nastiest looking soup of a mess you've ever seen. I do hope I can get my crock-pot clean again.



@темы: mishap - burnt food, food - cookies

I was at my dads' house for thanksgiving. My step mom was there, as were my grandparents.

Dad decided to make the stuffing. So he put it in a baking dish, and when it was done he took it out of the oven. It smelled wonderful, but as he left it on the stovetop, it took a smell of burning for us to realize that the burner (it was dumb and electric) was on.

So dad went running into the kitchen, put on some oven mitts, and lifted the casserole dish to inspect the bottom for damage.

He deemed everything okay, and as he turned to leave the kitchen, the dish and all of the stuffing in it EXPLODED. My grandmother freaked out, dad had some glass stuck to his clothes, but other than that, everything was fine.

Had he checked the dish for a bit longer, it could've shattered in his hands and blinded him for life.

For his birthday that year, Gram gave him a pyrex baking dish that would never shatter, and a pair of goggles.



@темы: food - thanksgiving

The worst experience I ever had with cooking was about 10 years ago, when I was 14. I had wanted to surprise my parents when they got home from a long day of work and shopping, so I decided to make them a chocolate fudge cake.

Naturally, as I hadn't had much experience making cakes by that time, I was nervous about making it from scratch, so I used a cake mix, thinking there was no way it could go wrong. I did everything as it said on the packet - right temperature, preheated, batter mixed just right, into the right size and type of pan, everything exact, and popped it into the oven, setting the timer. When the timer beeped, I did the usual skewer test, and the skewer came out perfectly clean, with only a teeny crumb where it had gone through the top of the cake. Yay! So I left it on the counter to cool and waited for my parents to come home.

An hour later, we had finished dinner (takeout from the local diner) and were ready for dessert, so I carried the cake, in its tin to show I made it, into the living room and set it on the cake stand, flipping the little spring to open the springform surround. Pulling the sides apart to remove them, I had to dodge out of the way as a tidal wave of still-warm chocolate pudding poured out of the centre of the cake all over the table. Somehow, the entire outside of the cake had cooked, sides, base and top but only about half an inch in, after which the centre was still completely liquid. We never did figure out what happened, especially as we re-checked everything and I had followed the rules to the letter.



@темы: food - cakes

1. My husband had put a scalloped potato dish in a pot to bake, and upon removing it, from the 350f oven, took his oven mitts off, turned away, then absentmindedly turned back and grabbed the scalding pot handle.

Off to the ER on a saturday night where it was a 6 hour wait in triage, and a tetanus shot, ointment and sending us home with a field hospital's supply worth of bandages for one very burned hand.

Official diagnosis from the doc: "Goldfish syndrome".( the reputed ten second memory of a goldfish).

2. When making cookies...check what bag you're scooping flour from. There's a vast difference between pancake mix and flour. Vaguely salty, hard as brick coffee cookies.

And I was unable to stop my husband from waltzing in, smearing cranberry jam on one, and eating it. Urk.

The common phrase after cooking screwups here is "You made Gordon Ramsey cry."



@темы: food - cookies, food - potatoes, mishap - wrong ingredients

I guess it wouldn't be right if I didn't admit to some of my crimes in the kitchen! These are only two of countless mishaps. I've also had cookies that have become a single crunchy sheet, made lettuce and sand salads, put whole uncracked eggs and tinfoil in the microwave to cook, pancakes sprinkled with lemon and salt instead of sugar, forgotten to put the top onto the blender (more than once), and have had numerous incidents involving things catching fire. Nowadays I try to avoid the stove as much as possible!

The Crunchy Cake
One of my first cooking experiences was when I was about twelve and I decided to make a chocolate cake. Being a complete novice in the kitchen, I was unsure with how to crack the eggs and just sort of squeezed them in my hand, resulting in most of the shell ending up in the batter.

I decided to just 'mix it in' rather than try to pick it out, figuring no-one would notice the eggshell once the cake had finished cooking and being too lazy to put in the extra effort. The end result was a weirdly crunchy, gritty cake, with a texture similar to the mud pies kids make in the playground. Moral of the story: always make the extra effort.

The Pasta Incident
This one is very recent. I'm a bit of a night owl and on this particular night I was up until two in the morning writing an assignment. I finished and I was absolutely exhausted, but I was also starving hungry. Being out of bread and cereal, I decided to make some simple pasta, since I figured I was way too hungry to go to sleep. I put the pasta on with some water, turned it on and sat down to wait.

Of course, I fell asleep. An hour later all three smoke alarms went off and promptly woke up everyone in the house including the dog, who started to howl. Once I'd managed to turn off the stove and the smoke had cleared, my pasta had become a thick black inedible sludge in the bottom. My family was furious and it took months before I was trusted again. It is now known as 'The Pasta Incident'.




@темы: food - cakes, food - pasta, mishap - sand and grit, mishap - smoke alarms

     Shortly after my husband and I were married and living together I decided to be a good housewife and tackle a quiche from scratch. I know quiche isn't exactly challenging but my husband had never had quiche and I had never made one and we were both looking forward to a yummy lunch. I took forever making my pastry and researching the combination of ingredients that I knew my husband would love. I cooked it perfectly, it looked great, and smelled delicious. 
     I pulled it out of the oven and was lifting it up to place on top of the stove. I guess the front lip of the pie plate hadn't cleared the oven and it hit the edge and flipped end over end right back into the hot oven. My perfect quiche was destroyed and I felt like some kind of failure house wife. I cried in the corner of the kitchen for a few minutes until my husband came in and found me there. He was sweet about it, even going so far as to grab a bite of the mess to try it. It tasted really good but was just too destroyed to salvage. 
      I swear any time I take something out of the oven I still remember that moment and it happened over 5 years ago. Needless to say I'm quite careful now ;o)



@темы: food - quiches, mishap - dropped food

21:58

Hello!

I have a BUNCH! My motto is that the first time I make anything, I have a 50/50 shot of it coming out well. After that my odds increase dramatically.

So, one time, at band camp while pregnant, I had a SERIOUS craving for Girl Scout Samoa cookies. Since this was in the dead of summer, there were none to be had. Very sad, because anyone who's ever been pregnant before knows the "ZOMG I WILL HURT WHOEVER STANDS IN THE WAY OF ME AND SATISFYING MY CRAVING." I once drove ten miles out of my way to get a sandwich at this one particular deli.

Anyway, so, back to the Samoas. Well, wouldn't you know, there's a recipe for one online. It calls for toasted coconut. WTF? How do you toast a coconut? So I got some shredded coconut and stuck it in my oven on broil.

And as pregnant women are wont to do... I... fell asleep.

And woke to the smoke detector going off and the lovely scent of scorched coconut.




@темы: food - cookies, mishap - smoke alarms

Ask any questions related to the community in a comment here, browse the list of questions that have already been asked, or make suggestions for the community here!

FAQ
1. Does this community ban users?
We try not to resort to banning people, but if a user is seriously harassing another user, spamming the community or is using inappropriate language or pictures and ignore the warnings, then they will be banned.

2. What sort of language is and isn't acceptable here?
Cooking Failures is a child-friendly community because we think that cooking is a child-friendly activity. Therefore, we try to keep it as child friendly as possible by putting anything with swears under an lj-cut with a warning, limit the amount of swear words that are used, and keep all pictures tasteful.

3. How do I find an old entry or post?
Use the tags, memories or LJ Seek tool in the user info to find old entries. Please don't post in the community asking others where old entries are, as it clutters up the community.

4.Someone is bullying/harassing me, what should I do?
No one should have to deal with bullying. If a user is really bothering you, then send a private message to the maintainer to ask them to intervene, along with the entry or thread in which they're bothering you. This isn't a debating community; it's just a community where we laugh and make fun of our bad cooking.

5. Who is the maintainer/moderator?
[info]plebian is the only current maintainer and moderator, since the community is so small. There's no need for any new moderators at this time; however, in the future, the call could go out for one, depending on how big the community gets!</lj>

Ask A Question
If your question isn't answered either here or in the community userinfo, then leave your question in a comment on this entry and it will be answered as soon as possible.

Suggestions
We're always open to suggestions at Cooking Failures, so if you have any ideas on how to improve the community, comment with them here.





@темы: admin - faq, admin - suggestions

Ask to be an affiliate, check out our current affiliates and link back to Cooking Failures here!

Affiliates
If you'd like to be an affiliate, you can be one! Affiliates will have their community or journal name posted in Cooking Failures' user info, in the community sidebar and on this entry.

If you wish to be affiliated, leave your community or journal's name, URL, banner and a brief description in a comment to this entry.

The affiliate requirements are that:
1.You must be a cooking-related LiveJournal journal or community.
2. You must be a child-friendly journal or community.
3. You must link back to Cooking Failures, using either a text link or one of the link back banners found below.

Link Back
Even if you're not an affiliate, you can still link back to this community, using either a text link or one of the following banners:



If possible, please upload the pictures to your own server, although this is not necessary.

Current Affiliates
None yet!




@темы: admin - affiliates

11:56

Мастерски человек тыквы вырезает!


25.10.2008 в 16:21
Пишет  cybertono:

Halloween's "head"
:candle2::evil::hween2:Making Halloween!!!:hween::ghost::candle2:


Ловкость рук и никакого мошенничества!!


URL записи

Найдено здесь

Первое свидание
first_date.jpg - Picamatic - upload your images

Вранье вранье вранье гон лапша на уши вранье вранье вранье

Буфетно-конфетный период
exciting.jpg - Picamatic - upload your images

- До встречи с тобой моя жизнь была полное говно.
- Давай заниматься любовью вечно!


Стадия комфорта
comfortable.jpg - upload images with Picamatic

- Бугага, я пернул!
- Хи-хи-хи, я тебя все равно люблю!



Когда комфорта уже слишком
too_comfortable.jpg - upload images with Picamatic

- Гы-гы, я пернул и обосрался!
- Да ладно, я так разжирела, что даже пошевелиться не могу.



Отношения сходят на нет
decline.jpg - Picamatic - upload your images

- До тебя я жил свободной жизнью!
- Да пошел ты, вместе со своей сраной жизнью!



Разрыв
breakup.jpg - Picamatic - upload your images

(он бухает и думает о том, как она гуляет с мускулистым миллионером и рассказывает ему, насколько он, миллионер, лучше ее бывшего)


Воссоединение
back_together.jpg - image uploaded to Picamatic

- Давай дадим нашим отношениям второй шанс, но в этот раз все будет хорошо!
- Я все еще ненавижу тебя, но я к тебе уже привыкла, так что я готова завести семью.



Семейная жизнь
marriage.jpg - image uploaded to Picamatic

- Я запланировала наш с тобой секс на следующий вторник, сразу после моих занятий череззаборногушейпингом.
- Пропади пропадом такая жизнь...